Collage
by ItsMeHumphrey
Summary: The memories of the famous S.T.A.R.S alpha team. Chapter 5: BOO!
1. Stuck on the Roof

**Collage**

**Author's note: **_"Hello all~ Silver here, back with a new kick ass story =D. Anyway, this was inspired by pictures I found on DA, I decided to do this with spirit of fun ^_^ I guess the song '_**_Season of Love- Rent_**_' fits in this story ^_^._

_Basically this story is about the S.T.A.R.S members with Wesker before he betrayed them and had to play 'nice'. Anyway, I am so glad that I get decent reviews, but I urge everyone who put me on their favorite author's list, please do put me on Author Alert to receive updates, also please do review and not just favorite, I am flattered but I Also wanna know what the hell you guys think. Anyway. I won't keep rambling on, I shall begin zee story. _

_Enjoy~" _

**-Silver.**

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**Chapter 1**

**Stuck on the Roof.**

Every Saturday the S.T.A.R.S gang would watch football on the small screen TV they kept hidden in the storage closet. Even Wesker would partake in this affair, they would work really fast and then sneak off into the storage room. This Saturday was different though...

"Damn it, little piece of crap this TV is turning out to be!" Chris snarled in his breath.

"What the hell is wrong with you now?" Joseph asked.

"Huh? Oh.. I'm just... the TV is picking up static, I think something is wrong with the satellite." Chris suggested.

"Bravo, you just figured out that the big circley thing on the roof connects with our little box..." Joseph sarcastically quipped.

"Just for that comment, you're going to go fix it."

"What?"

"Yeah, how do you like them apples?"

"I don't! I can't fix a satellite dish, what if I do it wrong?!"

"Then I'll beat the crap out of you, get going."

"Can I at least have a manual!?"

"Sure here.." Chris said and tossed him something.

"Okay first of all, this is to the security system... second of all this is a different security system."

"You are just being a smarty again aren't you?"

"The candy?" Joseph asked.

"...Ass."

After too much quarrellings Joseph went up to the roof to fix the satellite dish. Joseph went up to the long never been up to roof of the RPD. He looked around and smelt the fresh air.. and the bird crap.

"Dear god!" Joseph gagged, as soon as he moved towards the satellite dish, he saw it has been completely covered in bird crap, he sighed knowing how in hell he is going to scrape it off. Suddenly, thin air moved and made the door shut tight. "Oh hell no." Joseph said and ran and tried pulling the door, sadly it did not budge.

It was official Joseph was stuck on the roof...

He sighed and walked around, he said he might as well try and get it fixed, otherwise Chris will kick his ass.

"All I need is something to scrape the crap off." Joseph talked to himself. He got up and looked around the roof, he saw nothing he can use... he then had to do something he didn't want to do. He untied his bandanna and started wiping the crap off with his famous bandanna.

In the storage room, everyone was going in, but saw Chris staring at the TV like he was Hitler.

"Something the matter Mr. Redfield." Wesker asked Chris.

"Joseph is supposed to go fix the satellite dish, but I see no change, remind me to kick his ass later."

"Will do."

"Why don't I go help him?" Barry asked.

"Maybe it'll be best, yeah sure, go on up."

Barry got up and walked out the room and went upstairs, he huffed and puffed, he hated walking up stairs.

"Hey Joey... what the hell are you doing?" Barry asked.

"I'm cleaning off some bird crap- No wait don't clo-" Joseph tried to warn him, but too late, Barry already slammed the door closed.

"What?"

"GREAT! NOW BOTH OF US ARE LOCKED ON THE DAMN ROOF!" Joseph yelled and threw his bandanna to the floor.

"Did I miss something?" Barry asked and stared at the door, he tried to open it, but no avail, the door wouldn't open, "Joseph we're locked on the damn roof?!"

"Yeah! That what I _just _said! Geez, you're old age is acting up.."

"I AM NOT OLD YOU FRIGGIN PUNK!"

Chris stayed attentively watching the TV, he thought if he sent Barry along things will get going much more quicker. He sighed in frustration.

"Why don't you go take a look?" Brad asked.

"Me?"

"Him?" Jill said and laughed, "Chris can't even fix a microwave, which was turned off!"

"Hey shut up, I told you not to tell anyone."

"Amazing..." Wesker said.

"Shut up! I'm sure Barry- Hey look somethings moving!"

The Alpha team all huddled closer and saw the TV static like crazy, it seems either both of them were either fixing the satellite or beating the crap out of each other and using it, either way, the picture was coming slightly clearer. Suddenly, the TV went back to static.

"Turn it left you friggen moron!" Barry yelled to Joseph

"Again! Covered in bird crap!" Joseph yelled.

"Stop being a chicken and turn!"

"FINE!" Joseph yelled, as soon as he did a couple of birds came and crapped all over Joseph's hair and also some more on the satellite dish. "CURSE YOU BIRDS!"

"Hehe." Barry snickered.

"Damn, damn, damn!"

"DAMN DAMN DAMN, COME ON GUYS!" Chris yelled.

"Yelling isn't going to solve anything." Wesker said.

"Why don't you and Chris go and take a look?"

"Great Idea Jill! Come on Wesker."

"Great Idea Jill..." Wesker sourly stated and went after Chris.

Chris and Wesker went out to the rood and saw Barry helping Joseph move the satellite dish.

"What're you guys doing?" Chris asked.

"Doing the Hokey Pokey- NO WESKER DON'T CLO-" Barry tried to warn Barry not to close the door, but before he could finish his sentence. Wesker had slammed the door shut.

"What?" Wesker asked. He tried to open the door, but it didn't budge. "....Oh crap..."

"What? What did you do?!" Chris yelled.

"Don't yell at me Redfield... and I might've... Locked us all on the roof..."

"...You what?!" Chris yelled.

"I said don't yell."

Chris went to the door and started pulling, the door wouldn't budge then he started banging on the door to yell for help, but since the door was placed far away no one could actually hear him.

"Save your breath Chris, the door wont budge." Barry said.

"Crap..."

Birds came and literary crapped again on the roof, satellite dish and Joseph. Joseph stared at Chris angrily and started making his way towards him, then Barry stopped him before he threw Chris off the roof.

"What's wrong with him?" Chris asked.

"Lets just say he's had a hard twenty minutes."

The men did nothing but sat on the floor and waited for someone to come. The sun was very hot today and the men were dying of heat.

Back in the storage closet the remaining people, Jill and Brad stayed in the closet like sitting ducks, wondering when the guys were gonna get down from the roof.

After 20 or 30 minutes the guys didn't come down, Jill started to get worried and Brad was worried he'd miss the game. They decided to go up and see what the hell was taking them so long. They walked out and walked up the stairs and opened the door, and saw four men, laid down on the roofs floor, they looked like they were sunbathing. When they finally realized someone came up, they all jumped up screaming.

"NO JILL DON'T-" They were too late, Jill had already shut the door.

"What? What's wrong?" Jill asked, all the men looked furious.

"Whats wrong? The wrong is that you closed the door Miss. Valentine!"

"So?"

"It won't budge! Why do you think we stayed up on the roof?"

"He's right, it's sealed shut." Brad said.

That was there evening. They S.T.A.R.S Alpha team stayed up on the roof. Each shifting their positions and staring around aimlessly. Jill and Chris were huddled together since the cold air was picking up, Joseph and Brad were fighting over constellations, comparing and also saying they saw constellations. Wesker seemed emotionless and Barry started seeing if there was any chance of climbing down the roof.

"Hey guys, there is an old pipe, maybe we can slide down it!"

"With your body fat? We might just die." Joseph said.

"I hate you kid." Barry said.

"Well, no harm but to try. Who goes first?" Wesker asked.

They all stared at him- he was their captain after all. "No no no!" Wesker protested, but it was decided, Wesker was going first.

Wesker carefully started going to the pipe slowly, till his hand touched some bird crap and nearly slipped off, now Wesker was dangling with one arm still attached, the alpha team rushed to his aid, they tried to help him, but he was too damn heavy!

The Bravo team, also known as the rivals of the Alpha team, Bravo and Alpha butted heads over the most stupidest things, they had a feud since the dawn of time, but anyway, the Bravo team came and saw the scene. They saw Alpha teams captain dangling off the roof and the rest of the team helping him up, looks like the asses locked themselves up on the roof. They all started laughing loudly the way Wesker was flailing around.

"Ugh, it's _them._" Chris stated and pointed to Bravo team. Barry and Joseph helped Wesker up from nearly crashing on a tree trunk.

"Nice show ladies!" Forest yelled up to them.

"We're glad we can entertain you..." Chris sourly said.

"Mind getting us down?!" Jill yelled.

"Nah, you look better up there."

"Come on I really have to pee!" Joseph yelled.

"Woah, Joey, too much." Jill said.

Bravo team stayed laughing till Joseph threw his bird crap coated red bandanna to them and hit Forest straight in the face. Alpha team started laughing.

"Don't mess with us!" Joseph yelled.

Another hour passed and the team members were still stuck on the roof. Hungry and in need of the bathroom. Joseph was jumping around like a mad puppy, he really needed to pee, suddenly he couldn't wait any longer! He went to the side of the roof and started relieving himself.

The team stayed gawking.

"There better not be any people under there." Barry said.

"No worries all clear!" Joseph yelled.

"This is the highlight of our night? Watch Frost urinate?" Wesker asked.

"Pretty much." Chris replied.

Suddenly the door opened. It was the janitor, "What're you kids doing up here?"

"Star gazing." Joseph sarcastically quipped.

"Where you stuck on the roof?"

"Hell Yeah!" Chris yelled.

"You do know there is a key dangling here?" The Janitor said and pointed at a rusted dangling key, all the team members stayed wide eyed, how can they have missed that?

**End.**

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**Author's Note: **_"End of chapter 1! And here begins the story. Review for more chapters please, or no more new chapters._

_Next Chapter: **Dance Lessons**_


	2. Dance Lessons

**Collage.**

**Author's Note: **_"Wow, today, was THE best! I got around 16 emails from . Awesome! And I got good reviews on this story! So out of a good mood, I decided to give you a quick chapter. Enjoy!" _

**-Silver...**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Dance Lessons.**

Barry was always Mr. Family guy, but not Mr. Dance Man. His wife yesterday was complaining that he never takes her out enough, and just to shut her up, he said he'll take her where she wants to go. It was to a dance, before he could protest she left the room so excited she nearly broke the door.

He was now a doomed man, going to a fancy dance party- that would be the biggest tragedy, but what is so tragedic that even makes death looks like sweet relief was- he couldn't dance. Barry went to work the next day, as soon as he walked in, he dropped the atmosphere- they were all laughing at Chris who just fell on his ass just a moment ago, but Barry kept his sulk face.

"Hey what's wrong B man?" Chris asked.

"Will you stop calling me that?!" Barry snapped at him.

"Sorry...?"

"Yeah, you should be!"

"Barry what the hell is wrong with you?" Joseph asked.

"Nothing..."

"Barry!" Jill warned, she knows something was wrong.

"Fine.. Me and my wife were in bed-"

"Dude! I don't need to know about this!" Joseph exclaimed.

"It's NOT that!" Barry growled. "She was starting to complain-"

"Heh, Women.."

"SHUT. UP. JOSEPH!" Barry yelled, "Anyway, she said that I don't take her out anymore, and since tonight is my night off, I decided to throw her a bone and promised to take her out, but... it's just where she wants yo go.. which is dancing.. and I.. uh.. can't really..."

"Dance?" Jill asked.

"No.. walk.. of course dance!" Barry said.

"Just learn how to dance.."

"It's impossible. I mean no one can learn how to dance in 9 hours!" Barry said since his shift ended in 6:00 pm.

"Oh come on, I'll teach you!" Jill said.

"You know how to dance?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, one summer I went to a dance studio and learned all kinds of dances." Jill said.

"Great!" Barry said.

The S.T.A.R.S went in the unused board room, since they were moving the board room, the room was big enough to hold a little dance studio, she asked Joseph and Chris to go to her apartment and get her radio and CD's. When they came back she plugged it in and Barry walked in.

"Damn."

"Indeed." Chris said.

"Okay, what kind of dances is your wife looking for?" Jill asked.

"The kind that wont make me look like an idiot."

"We might need a miracle for that one buddy boy." Joseph said.

"Shut up FROSTY!"

"I know you did NOT just call me FROSTY?!" Joseph yelled to Barry.

"I did, what're you gonna do? HUH?!"

"I'm gonna beat the crap out of you!"

"GUYS SHUT UP!" Jill yelled. Both men pouted like they were 5 year olds, being told off because they were fighting over the stuffed giraffe everyone seemed to want.

"Okay so.... How about we try a slow dance?" Jill asked him.

"Sure, I can do that."

"Isn't slow dancing the dance where people look like they're drunk? Just sway around and you'll look like your slow dancing," Joseph said, "Here I'll show you. May I have this dance?" Joseph asked Chris.

"No." He flatly said.

"Please?" Joseph slightly begged.

"No."

"Ahw, come on."

"No."

"GOD WOMAN! WHY WONT YOU SAY YES!?" Joseph yelled and got looks from everyone, "Sorry, heh, issues."

"Clearly, and No." Chris said and crossed his arms. Joseph sulked and sat down quietly.

"Um.. well.. from what Frosty said, slow dancing doesn't seem all that hard. Um, what do I do?"

"First, you grab my hand, second, put your hand around my waist." Jill said.

"The one I'm grabbing your hand with?"

"What? No! The other hand you jackass!"

"Don't yell at the student, Valentine." Chris mocked.

"Shut up Chris," Jill said, "Now, step, step, turn and step."

Barry wasn't a good dancer, at the first step he nearly squished Jill's foot, on the second he almost squished her other foot, in the turn he nearly let of go Jill's hand and if he did that, an imprint of Barry's figure would be on the wall....

"Damn Barry, you suck!" Joseph yelled and laughed.

"Shut up Frosty!"

"I hate to agree with Frosty the Retarded Snowman, but he's right, you're a terrible dancer!" Chris said and laughed as well. Barry was red in the face.

"Yeah.. Hey!" Joseph yelled when he finally re played back Chris's words.

"Guys, come on, we're being supportive!"

"No, _you're _being supportive, _we're _being unconducive!"

"Haha," Jill mock laughed, "Come on! Can't you take things seriously?!"

"Not with your little 'dancer'." Joseph said.

"Will you all cut the crap and help me!?"

"Fine.." Joseph and Chris said and they stopped laughing, Jill and Barry tried again, but the results weren't different.

"Forget it, I suck at dancing."

"Now you've noticed?" Joseph said.

"Shut it Frost."

Chris saw as his partner was depressed, he decided to go and help him. "Here, take my hand."

"The hell?"

"Just do it. I'll teach you a dance no woman can resist."

Barry grabbed Chris's hand, and Chris twirled him around and then pulled him back into his side. He took him down and then lifted him up again, he twirled him a couple of times and then pulled him very close. Barry was getting a little dizzy. "Okay, Okay! Enough Eddie Torres!"

"Ahw, now you're resisting me?" Chris mocked.

"You call that a dance? Barry would be lucky if he didn't throw her out the window, I'll show him a safer dance." Joseph said and took Barry's hand. He grabbed him close to him and then started moving slowly, twirling around slightly, but not as crazy like Chris. He showed him the step step move, and kept gently dancing. Barry was getting sick of every guy using him to show off their dances.

"Okay.. you done Frost?"

"Yeah."

"My wife would li- Joseph.. yeah.. you can let me go now.."

"Oh.. yeah right."

"My wife would like that, nice job Joey."

"Thanks."

Jill sighed and rolled her eyes, she went back to work, and so did everyone else. It came his time to go home and go to wherever his wife planned, by now she would be going over the rules for the baby sitter. Barry's wife had already picked out his suit, so all he had to do, was come home and wear it. Unless he would complain, then he would take the longest hour picking the right clothes, then the evening was pretty much over before it even began.

When they arrived to the place, everyone was dressed accordingly, everyone was nice and quiet. Barry felt a bit out of place. The room was beautiful though, a marble beige floor with tiny black squares, glittering crystal chandeliers dangling off the ceiling, tables covered with a pure white cloth already designed with plates and wine glasses. Sheesh... all this fancy crap, no wonder this is costing Barry a fortune.

When they sat down, Barry took a glance around the room, everyone their looked either rich or well to do.. then he spotted a group of people. They seemed nice, one had spiky brown hair, the other had blond hair- and Oh my god! It's the S.T.A.R.S team!

"Oh damn!" Barry yelled a little loudly.

"What is it?" His wife asked.

"What the hell are they doing here?!"

"..? Who?"

"My friends. They're here to support me- Damnit I'm going to kill them!"

He got up and left and she stayed blinking, then a small feeling inside her told her the evening was pretty much ruined.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Barry yelled.

"We came to support you buddy!" Chris said and patted Barry on the back.

"I thought you were being unconducive!"

"Well, we were, but the truth is, Jill kicked our asses down here."

"Why?!"

"Because if you bomb we'll do something embarrassing it'll make your eyes water."

"I'm embarrassed NOW!" Barry yelled and clenches his fists.

"..want some pie?"

"What?"

"Yeah. Chris, give Barry the pie he'll calm down! Here boy, here!" Joseph quipped and started whistling to Barry like he was Fido. "Bad doggie!"

"Shut your cakehole Frost."

"Yes Lassie."

Barry went to punch Joseph but got hold down by Chris and Jill. Barry calmed down and strode over to his wife- and stopped dead in his tracks, a man who looked fairly rich was flirting with his wife?! Hell no!

"Excuse me sir, is there a problem here?"

"What? Oh no, I was just chatting to your wife here, a real nice woman to talk to, may I care for a dance Milady?" The man said in a very elegant voice.

"Huh?" Barry said slightly confused, as soon as his wife got up to accept his offer, he took her hand away and nearly threw her into the dance floor.

"Barry, what are you doing!?" She shrieked as she nearly fell on the waiter who was serving the drinks.

"Well, We're gonna dance."

"Honey, I don't mean to hurt you feelings, but you look like a jackass when you dance."

"I took lessons."

"From who?"

"Not important." Barry said, his wife wasn't so keen on Jill, she thought she'd go after Barry, she obviously got the wrong impression of Jill, but if Barry told him she thought him how to dance imagine what hell would break loose.

"Well, Okay." His wife said unsure.

Barry took his wifes' hand gently, and brought her close to him, soon he started swaying -gently- rocking her back and fort, twirling a couple of times gently too otherwise he would get dizzy. She was enjoying the dance till he saw Chris and Jill dance too, they were dancing close to him so Jill can keep and eye on Barry, which he didn't need! He quickly started taking his wife somewhere else and Jill left him alone, but kept watching him anyway.

_'Hey this is going great!' _Barry thought to himself. As soon as he said that, he lost his balance and crashed straight into a waiter, which sent the drinks flying out of the tray, showering Jill from head to toe, which send her tumbling backwards and crashing into the cake, and the cake fell on Chris and Joseph. Joseph took a lump of cake and threw it at Chris- then a cake fight broke loose, everyone was tossing cake at each other when Joseph accidentally hit the mayor and for payback the mayor wanted to hit him back then Joseph ducked and he accidentally hit another women, then everyone started joining in the cake pelting competition.

"_Oh crap my wife is gonna kick my ass. I'm doomed." _

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**Author's Note: **_"I'm sorry if this chapter seemed suckish in a way, but I tried my best. I also have other news, I think I'll be changing my fiction status, I might move onto a new TV show called _**_Supernatural _**_I Love dean! 3. Well, I have idea for DMC fics, all you guys got to do, go to my profile and vote for a story you would like to see =D_

_Next Chapter: The Talk. "_

**~Silver~**


	3. The Talk

**Collage.**

**Tsunny's Note: **_"I'm back with Chapter 3 of Collage, yeah, I'm gonna try and be an update freak today so I wont let my readers down." _

**-Tsundere**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**The Talk.**

Barry stumbled into work, muttering something about children and education and stupidity. He huffed and sat down and worked on his paperwork, still muttering, Chris and Joseph could care less but Jill was the mother hen of the group.

"What's wrong Barry?" She asked.

"My damn kid's school has a bring your parent show and tell crap, and she is gonna bring me along.."

"Really? She is gonna bring her OWN parent? Kids today!" Joseph gasped in sarcasm.

"Shut up Frost."

"So... what the problem?"

"I, well.. I.. can't talk in public.."

"What?" Joseph asked.

"I.. have a problem with speaking in public.. I get nervous."

"They're kids, they're probably not listening to you anyway." Joseph said.

"They're 5 and they listen!" Barry objected.

"Alright, don't have to bite my head off."

"That's my problem, I don't want to make an ass of myself, I also don't want to let my daughter down!"

"Don't worry Barry, we'll help you!" Jill said.

"How?" Barry said and started shuddering.

"Well.. why don't you make a speech and we will act like listeners." Jill said.

"Oh crap..!" Chris and Joseph said at the same time.

"Jinx you owe me a beer!" Chris yelled before Joseph did.

"Damn, I got to learn to yell faster.." Joseph commented.

Barry rolled his eyes, "How is tweedle dee and dumb going to help me?"

"Don't worry Barry, they'll behave. Right Boys?" She said, directed at them.

"Yeah sure.." They both muttered.

"Well, how is this thing going to work?" Barry asked Jill.

"Well, we'll just go to the board room again.."

"The one where you thought Barry dancing? Yay, I can make fun of him!"

"Joseph..." Jill warned sternly.

"I wont make fun of him promise." Joseph said and put on his best puppy eyes impression.

"You better."

The three of them went silently into the board room. Got three chairs and sat down. Joseph and Chris stayed at the back, tilting their chairs back waiting for their friend to speak.

"Uh.. Hi?"

"BOO!" Joseph and Chris yelled, just to mock him.

"Shut up!" Barry yelled.

"Hey, don't say shut up to the listener."

"I'll say what I damn well please!"

"Ooooh, touchy Barry."

"That's it!" Bary yelled and tried to go after Joseph but was stopped by Jill.

"OKAYGUYS CALM DOWN!" She yelled, feeling her throat getting hoarse.

Chris, Joseph went to their respected seats while Barry went back in front of the fleet of chairs. He then started speaking again.

"So, the.. weather.. got hotter.. and.." Barry started and stuttered a lot, Joseph and Chris were confused on what the weather had to do with police work.

"What the hell does weather have to do with shooting some guys ass?" Chris asked.

"Raise your hand Chris." Joseph joked to Chris.

"I'm sorry, do I go corner now?" Chris said to Barry.

"You're lucky I didn't shoot you yet."

"I've been bad?" Chris said in a whiny voice and gave him the puppy eyes attack.

"Shut it Field!"

"Talk about Police work Barry." Jill said.

"What is going on Here?" Wesker asked.

"Nothing." All three of them said.

"Ah, Miss. Valentine, You have paperwork on your desk. Go. Do. It." Wesker said sternly and Jill laughed, she mouthed good luck to Barry. Wesker snapped his direction back to the three men. "...What are you guys doing?"

"We're.." Chris started thinking of a good lie.

"..Cleaning the board room!" Joseph said.

"Yeah, we're..what?" Chris said to Joseph.

"I see. Where is your cleaning equipment?"

"Our what?" Joseph asked.

"Your cleaning equipment. Those things women use."

"...Uh.. we forgot them?"

"We meant to get them, we.. forgot." Barry said, trying to follow the lie.

"Whatever, I don't care." Wesker said, rolling his eyes, and walked off. The men sighed in relief.

"What are you doing in here?" chief Brian Irons asked.

"We meant to get the mop, honest!" Joseph said.

"..W..What?" The chief asked.

"Nothing." Chris and Barry said, and the chief walked off, confused.

"Nice going, Jackass." Chris told Joseph.

"Same to you, retard."

"Shut up both of you, you cone heads!" Barry yelled.

"Don't yell at us, Yogi Bear." Both men said at the same time.

"Jinx!" Chris yelled.

"DAMNIT!" Joseph cursed.

"Now, what am I going to do?" Barry said and casually sat down.

"I don't know, maybe try practicing on us again?" Joseph suggested, Chris stared slowly at Joseph.

"You mean it?"

"Yeah." Joseph said and sneered at Chris.

Barry got up and started talking about police work. Soon after, once he got his head up to face the two, they had fallen asleep. He sighed, but at least he got through it right?

The next day, was hell day, he went down to the school and started talking about police work and then he randomly turned his head round and saw Chris and Joseph look through the window, he shrieked like a girl and the children laughed hard.

"Hehe, sorry, got a little frightened."

"And yet you are a cop?" A smart mouthed little girl said and crossed her arms.

"Well, everyone gets scared sometimes. Any questions about my job?" Barry asked, but no one raised their hands, he then nodded and left. He went outside to the playground. Chris and Joseph smirked and slapped his hands and they went off to have a celebratory beer, Somewhere was an Afternoon right?

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**Tsunny: **_"Chapter 3 is done, :D, I'm glad people are enjoying this. Thank ya'll, well more updated to come. Sorry if this chapter sucks!_

_Chapter 4: The SEX Talk." _

**-Tsundere~**


	4. The Birds and The Bees

**Collage**

**Tsunny's Note: **_"I'm... BAAACK! -Que applause- Anyways, this story is back, I don't know so don't ask. Anyways, I have a POLL on my page, please go an vote on it, you can have up to 5 choices. So lets begin Let's see the Resident Evil gang explain to Barry's daughter about the birds and the bees..." _

**-TSUNDERE**

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**Chapter 4**

**The Birds and The Bees...**

Children were always the inquisitive ones, they always asked questions, questions sometimes adults aren't prepared for, usually they'd make up a story such as 'Yes, sweetie Santa Claus is real' or 'The tooth fairy will come, just you wait!' well, you get what I mean. Barry's daughter was very curious about almost... everything! Barry usually has to hide from her to avoid her bullet questions, usually something about the world like 'Where's France?' 'How does Rain come down?' 'Why is the sky blue' sometime he wasn't all that bright, or it would be very early in the morning and his brain would even forget he had daughters. Though, one Sunday morning, as Barry was gulping down his morning coffee, he had already gone to church so his family went on without him, he always went way too early anyways. He heard the door click and unlock, and from it emerged his wife with his two children, Moira and Polly come and hugged their father tightly, Kathy, his wife walked upstairs to change out of her Sunday clothes.

Moira went upstairs too and took Polly with her, Barry continued to read his newspaper and gulp down the caffeine.

Soon after, Polly sneaked in and cuddled up to her dad, and asked him one questions he wasn't prepared for...

* * *

"She wanted to know about the birds and the bees?!" Joseph yelled, probably half way throughout the station.

"Yeah, Well, more specifically where she came from, but I think it falls under that category, What am I going to say?" Barry said.

"Lie." Chris simply put it.

"I can't lie to my daughter."

"Why not? Father do it all the time!" Joseph said, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Yeah, I don't want to agree with Joseph, but maybe it's best you put it off."

"Put. It. Off?! I have been putting it off since she was 5 years old!"

"You mean.. this year?" Joseph asked.

"Exactly!" Barry said.

"Isn't tomorrow bring your daughter to work day? Maybe we can help explain things without having to explain things!" Chris said.

"..Okay, you're confusing me." Barry said. "So, you mean to tell me, you're going to tell her, without _actually _telling her?"

"Exactly." Chris said and snapped his fingers, Barry slowly turned round and stared at Jill, who merely shrugged. Seriously, did that just not make sense to him?

The next day, probably the worst day of Barry's life, it was the classic American day, Bring you Daughter to work day. Moira was going out with her friends today so Polly was going to come along, Barry was so not happy.

He entered the police station, smelling the clean air and watching Polly's eyes grow wide at the size of the building, could it have been that exciting for her? It was just an office!

Barry motioned to them, with his eyes, suddenly his team came and sat down with Polly. They stayed silent for a few minutes, Polly was really confused though.

"Oh! I got it, Polly when a man and a woman love each other...." Jill started but got cut off by Joseph and Chris's sighing. "This again Jill?" Chris asked in all seriousness.

"Fine can you do better?" Jill asked.

"Yeah, of course I can!" Chris said, he sat down in front of Polly and looked into her big wide eyed. "Okay, I can't." Chris said again and quickly got up and sat near Joseph.

"Oh! I got an idea!" Joseph said and went to get his magnum.

Polly gasped and ducked down, for a moment there she thought he was going to shoot her. Barry slapped Joseph at the back of his head, "What the hell?! You're trying to give my daughter a heart attack at the age of 5?!"

"No, I was gonna use it as an example-"

"How to give 5 year olds a heart attack?!" Barry concluded him.

"No! For the TALK!"

"The..? Oh!"

* * *

"So, Polly as you can see, if you take the safety off your gun will fire, the bullet will land in the wall and it would make a big boo-boo." Joseph was explaining for about 30 minutes about the birds and the bees using the gun as a metaphor, behind him Barry was face palming himself, Jill stared in shock and Chris looked at him in disbelief. Polly was much more confused.

"Joey, what the hell are you doing?" Barry said to Joseph.

"I.... have NO idea!"

"...I never knew a man can actually ruin a perfectly good gun..." Chris said and slowly walked away.

Wesker came along, confused as to why his workers aren't working, he saw them huddled around a girl, he rolled his eyes knowing Chris or Joseph must've done something to scar the child.

"Why aren't you working?" He asked them in a cold tone.

"Well, we're kinda in a life and death situation here." Joseph said.

"Which involves a child?"

"Exactly."

"I don't believe you." Wesker told Joseph.

"Why not?" Joseph asked.

"Because you're an idiot." Wesker simply told him, he turned to the others who were actually hiding behind the child.

"Well? What is going on?"

"You see sir. My daughter had some questions about the way of life. Where she comes from and... all that. So We we're just-"

"The way of life is that when a man and a woman engage in some behavior, a child grows in them, a job for their organs, you came from your mother. Good day. Get back to work." Wesker said and left. The team stayed wide eyed at him.

"Oh..." Was all Polly could say.

**Author's Note: "**_I'm sorry some of these are short, I really am. Well anyway:_

_Next Chapter: Boo!" _

**-Tsundere**


	5. BOO!

**Collage.**

**Tsundere's Note~**

"_**Hello Fanfic users, to all those who is reading this Happpy Halllloooweeeeeeeen~~~**_

_**Enjoy" **_

**Chapter5**

**BOO!**

* * *

Every year, the police station would have a Halloween party, everyone will come in costumes, have a great time and try to scare each other, but this is more Joseph's hobbies. That night, though something extremely different happened.

"I am _so _going to scare the living crap out of B.R.A.V.O Team! They're going to be crappin' themselves in fear! I can't wait!" Joseph said in an excited tone. He was juts finishing putting more blood marks on his hand- he was dressed up as a zombie. Jill was arranging her lipstick, she was dressed up as a Vampire. Barry came in and he was dressed up as a lumberjack. Chris came in after him and he wasn't dressed up just in his police uniform.

"You're not dressed up?" Jill asked Chris as she glanced back at him.

"Yeah, I'm the guy whose pissed off at actually coming to this thing." Chris said and crossed his arms, he went and sat down on a chair and watched his team get ready. Brad came in dressed up as a reindeer... "What the _**hell **_are you supposed to be?" Chris asked as he eyed the antlers.

"I'm an elk." Brad said.

"Oh, I thought you came dressed up as Bambi." Joseph teased him and laughed.

"Shut up Joseph, it's a good costume Brad." Jill said as she was doing her mascara. Wesker came in a black suit and sunglasses. The STARS team stayed looking at him.

"Howdy Johnny Bravo." Joseph giggled and continued to do his blood marks.

"Shut up Joseph, I am not wearing a costume." Wesker said as he gracefully walked across the room. The room was decorated in black and orange streamers, skulls dangling off the ceiling and pumpkins surrounding the windows, 'Happy Halloween' was written in a black Gothic font covered in cobwebs surrounding in an orange banner. "Tonight, I plan not to have fun at all." Wesker added simply.

"Sounds like you captain." Joseph said as he finished up his skin and twirled around for his teammates. They both nodded in approval.

"Tonight is gonna be sweet.." Joseph said and started to walk around.

That night everything started off smoothly, everyone was dancing and the party had just began, everyone in the station was dressed up in different costumes, BRAVO and STARS were both in the same room and both were planning to scare the crap out of each other. Then the lights went out.

"What the... _**HELL!?**_" Chris yelled as he looked round the dark room.

"Did somebody blew a fuse?" Joseph asked the group in the room, then they both heard a scream from their captain, chief Irons.

"Captain!" Jill yelled as she went running through the crowd to see what was wrong. As soon as she got into the hallway -where the scream originated- no one was there, nothing but pure darkness. "Captain?" She asked to the hallway but nothing responded her. "Guys!" She yelled and got back out. Chris was now holding a flashlight along with Joseph and Barry, Brad went hiding in a broom closet and BRAVO team were left in the dark. "Guys, the captain is gone, he screamed and just vanished, do you think he's okay?"

"No." All of them said in one go, which shocked everyone.

"This isn't funny! We have to go and look for him! He could've fallen down the stairs!" Jill said flailing her arms round.

"God, if that happened the floors would be shakin'" Said Forest.

"Chris?" Jill asked him what they should do.

"I vote on getting the hell out of here." Joseph said. "Come on, what's fun having a party in the dark?"

"Joseph, our captain is missing and all you care about is a party?!" Jill yelled.

"Look, we've got firearms to kill this sucker."

"You're all acting as if this is some horror movie!" Forest yelled and threw his hands up in the air. The howling of wind shook them all and the windows started to shake too with the pressure the wind is giving.

"Okay, we should split up into two teams and search for Irons and get the hell out of here!" Jill yelled. Everyone scoffed and then agreed, Jill had a point. "And where the hell is brad?"

"Where do you think?" Joseph asked sarcastically and then everyone turned their heads to the broom closet. Jill, sighed with frustration, she went and knocked on the broom closet and Brad, who was in the closet, said nothing. "Brad..?" Jill asked as she leaned against the door. She only heard a whimper from the man who was dressed up as an elk. Jill left him there and walked back in the room, "Yeah... He's not helping us."

Jill split the two rivaling teams, Chris and Edward would search on the top floor, while Joseph and Forest would search the area that they were in, Barry and Enrico would search the lower floors, Jill and Kenneth would help search the higher levels. Brad -after getting him out of the closet- and Kevin would search the lower floors as well, Richard would have to stay in the party room so that if they came by they'd call the rest of the members to stop searching.

Chris and Edward began their journey, Chris was holding the flashlight while Edward was supposed to lead, but he stayed behind Chris.

"Chris, what's that over there?" Edward whispered and pointed with his index finger to an object, Chris shown the light on it and stared backwards to Edward narrowing his eyes: "It's just a statue, God you're so paranoid." As soon as Chris said that he heard a squeak and jumped backwards, with Edward laughing, "Who's the paranoid one now?" He told Chris and put his hands on his hips still laughing, Chris narrowed his eyes and clipped Edward on the head.

"Can we just keep moving?" Chris asked and took off ahead of him, Edward sighed and started to walk past him.

"Why aren't you in costume?" Edward asked as he eyed him up and down.

"Who says I'm not?" Chris told him, turning his head to meet his gaze.

"Fine. Then what are you supposed to be?"

"The guy that's gonna beat you senseless if you don't shift your ass into gear. Now come on!" Chris said and turned his head, leading them down a hallway, eerie and cold. "Who turned on the damn air conditioner?"

"Wasn't me." Edward said to Chris. His body started shaking, finally reacting with the air temperature.

"Why don't we check this room? I mean, maybe the captain crawled into a room."

"Why would he be crawling?"

"I don't know. Just get in!"

"Oooh, Touchy. By the way, what are you supposed to be?" Chris asked him, referring to his costume.

"I'm a soldier."

"Really? Thought you were a GI Joe."

"He's a soldier too.."

Chris got a hold on the steel doorknob and twisted the door open...

* * *

Forest was left mindlessly wandering around. "Where the hell is Frost?"

"Boo!" A voice yelled from behind him which caused Forest to jump and nearly killed Frost who was now too busy laughing. "You should've seen your face! Oh god! That was a classic."

"Shut up. Before I kill you."

"Fine, fine fine, I promise, no more jokes." Joseph said as he put his hands in front of his chest, as soon as Forest turned his back on Joseph, he whispered to himself: "For now that is..."

Joseph and Forest kept walking down several hallways. "Please, do NOT just tell me you got us lost." Joseph said, now tired of walking down the same hallway.

"Okay, I wont. But we are..."

"Damn you Forest!"

"Hey, aren't you the one who is leading?!"

"You _actually _believed me!?" Joseph yelled. "How big of a jackass are you?!"

"Well, from this experience, I'd say pretty damn big."

"God! What now?" Joseph asked.

"Got a pack of cards, wanna play for money?" Forest asked him.

"Sign me up!"

* * *

Barry was ahead from Enrico, both men didn't say a word to each other.

"This way or that way?" Barry turned round and asked Enrico. Enrico shifted his head left and right.

"Wanna flip a coin?"

"Sure why not, we're lost anyway."

Heads would be right and Tails would be left, Enrico tossed it up and it landed heads, both men turned and what the right way and both of them thinking only one thing: They're both hungry.

* * *

Jill kept walking steadily in the darkened hallway. This wasn't the time for a blackout. She sighed as soon as he torch started to flicker on and off, she knew trouble would be ahead.

"Jill, what the hell is wrong with the torch. I can't see a damned thing!" Kenneth asked her.

"I don't know. Shit!" Jill cursed out, as soon as the torch completely went out. Surrounding them in darkness. The lightening roared outside causing both of them to jump.

"Shit. Damn lightening nearly made me crap my own pants!" Kenneth breathed out and stood along the wall. "You're lucky I'm not pissing my self now!"

"Stay calm Kenneth, we dealth with scarier situations then this."

"NAME ONE!"

"The hostage situation, 1998."

"Good point." Kenneth nodded his head, agreeing with the young woman. "What now? We're in the dark. Wanna make out?" He asked her in all seriousness, which received him a good slap in the face.

"Pervert!"

* * *

Brad and Kevin weren't doing good neither. Brad was scared shit less and Kevin was drunk.

"Where should we go Kevin? AGH! WHAT WAS THAT!"

"A rat or a mouse, could be a possum, I don't know and I don't give a crap!" Kevin replied positively and raised his hands up in the air. "LET'S PARTY! I'LL GET THE CHAMPAGNE!"

"We don't have champagne."

"YOU SERIOUS? NO CHAMPY! WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Kevin cried.

"Calm down, if we find the captain, we'll get champagne!"

"Then why are we standing here?! Let's go!" Kevin yelled and ran straight in the wall. "I'm okay!"

* * *

"Chris?" Barry said, calling out to the darkness. Along with Enrico who said: "Edward?" Both men turned round facing the other two. Chris sighed contently and Edward jumped for joy.

"Thank god, we're lost!" Edward cried to Enrico.

"We're on the same boat, we have never been more lost." Enrico nodded with sympathy to Edward.

"We're not lost, we're just misplaced." Chris said, reasoning the situation out.

"HA-HA! I WIN!" The group heard this cry of achievement, Chris immediately knew it was Joseph and Forest. "OH YEAH, I WIN W00P!" Joseph said and started dancing. Chris, Enrico, Barry and Edward stayed looking at him with shocked expressions.

"Hey Jackass, what the hell are you doing?" Chris asked Joseph.

"Dancing." Joseph replied in a matter-of-factly tone.

"Great..." Chris sarcastically said and rolled his eyes. "Can we go now? I wanna go home."

"Chris is that you?" Jill yelled from down the corridor.

"Yeah! What're you doing?!" He said as he heard bumps coming from the corridor.

"We don't have a flashlight, so we decided to find our own way. Guess whose bright idea that was!"

"You know, you nag a lot." Kenneth glowered at her. "Thank god, now get that thing out of my face!" He said, pointing at the flashlight which was blinding him. Chris turned the flashlight away from him. "Well, almost everyone is here except..." Chris was soon cut off. Hearing a shrilled voice yelling for champagne.

"CHAMPAGNE, CHAMPAGNE! I JUST WANT CHAMPAGNE!" Kevin yelled in a sing-songy voice.

"Kevin, don't run!" Brad came tumbling after him.

"...Never mind." Chris said. Soon after, they heard a moan, a large unholy moan coming from the broom closet. The group huddled together, shivering and sweating in fear. The door of the broom closet started to slowly open and from it emerged--- the captian.

"Chief Irons?" Jill asked to the figure. It said nothing. The two rival teams got closer only to see that this wasn't the captain, but a dead man walking!

"BOO!" It yelled to them. Causing everyone to scream....

It started laughing. It was actually the chief wearing a mask. "Scared yah Huh?!"

* * *

**Tsundere's Note: "THE END! HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEEEN! I know this isn't the best chapter, I rushed it at the end. So forgive me? Please review." **

**BOO!!**


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